one of the biggest reasons i clearly am moving from minnesota is because this state seems to disregard me as a person in general and just thinks, "well- nobody cares about stacy as a person, so one less person driving is better for this state because stacy and everyone supporting her will just think she's too stupid to drive if we fail her during her driving tests and seeing as nobody cares about her- IT WON'T MATTER!" at least in boston, concord, or new york they have ACCESSIBLE transit systems which are more available- so i won't be kept in my apartment like a hermit because of my problems with the transportation. i must've passed that stupid driving knowledge test AT LEAST FIVE times in my life and people STILL ignore that because thinking i'm an idiot who can't drive makes more sense to them and helps them take advantage of my lack of advocacy.
i was thinking lately about how my grandma attempted to claim that i "changed" all the time. i'm not exactly sure what "changed" about me, so i've been thinking it was probably her attempt to get me to act obedient to how she wanted me to act, so i'd make her think i didn't change. problem is- i didn't really think much about her accusing me of "changing", i thought that she was just being paranoid and taking it out on me (which also could have been the case). although i'm kinda leaning toward the first possibility because at least that way she'd actually intend on seeing changes in behavior from me. she probably figured that's what she'd do if someone told her that she "changed" since she swore we were so much alike all the time. the difference between us was that she seemed to actually care what people thought of her and i gave that up a LONG time ago. so i probably disappointed her and that's also why she always sounded so depressed on the phone when i'd talk to her towards the end of her life. i wasn't about to change my behavior for someone's approval- family or not because it's not like i was physically harming anyone.
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